I used to see the holidays as a competition to prove myself with the gifts I give others, as far as materialistic value goes. But this year, I'm going to treat it how I treated Halloween: an opportunity to positively influence others.
That's the short of it. Here's the long:
( Read more... )
The past few days, I perceived my feelings for others as a curse.
I feel intensely toward others, & I struggle with expressing that. For example: when I had a crush on someone from school, just about everyone was able to figure it out, because I had no idea how to hide my feelings.
I am a very honest person. What I lack in tact, I make up for by telling the truth. Lying is a chore to me - I’d rather not do it. Even when lying is in my best interest - like when defending myself from abusers - it’s difficult.
I used to talk about how, since I identify with the magical girl thing, I’m inherently cursed in various ways. One of these ways is how intensely I experience feelings, as well as my inability to deal with them appropriately. (I’m working on it.)
[under cut: depression & suicide mention; this is a positive post, though]( Read more... )
I want expectantly for more terrible things to happen
I just know they’ll be my chance to flap my wings gracefully
Because everyone is so very beautiful when they’re serious
Keeping faith in myself, I’ll go clearing the hurdles ahead... 🎶
[10/20/2015 6:01:21 PM] CC's Delivery Service (Alyssa): it was not as traumatic as I expected! I was kinda scared because last week, when I went to the Pumpkin Patch, my parents and I accidentally got on a ride with jump scares.
[10/20/2015 6:01:33 PM] CC's Delivery Service (Alyssa): So I was mentally unprepared, that time. But this time, with this haunted house I chose to go to, I was mentally prepared!
[10/20/2015 6:02:24 PM] CC's Delivery Service (Alyssa): It was little lighting (except from lights as deco), "spooky" décor, and lots of jump scares. I kinda hesitated before going in, but a stranger offered to go in with me ^^;; they had Minnie Mouse ears!
[10/20/2015 6:03:17 PM] CC's Delivery Service (Alyssa): I was clinging to their arm and squeezing my eyes shut before I adjusted to the maze. Then I remembered something from My Little Pony, and how one of my friends deals with scary stuff...
[10/20/2015 6:03:40 PM] CC's Delivery Service (Alyssa): so I just said hi to the people jumping out at us. There was a sheet ghost, too! I thought they wanted a hug, but they were just showing us the next part of the maze.
[10/20/2015 6:04:20 PM] CC's Delivery Service (Alyssa): there was someone going "mwahahahah you'll never escape" and I just said "oh, we can be friends if I don't!" in a cheerful voice
[10/20/2015 6:04:33 PM] CC's Delivery Service (Alyssa): it...legitimately helped and I think I'd have fun going to a haunted house again. :B
[10/20/2015 6:04:53 PM] CC's Delivery Service (Alyssa): there was also someone who popped out from the....shadows in the shadows. and they had a deep, growly voice. like GRRRAAGAGGHHH
[10/20/2015 6:05:15 PM] CC's Delivery Service (Alyssa): I just said "you have a charming voice! you should look into being a baritone"
their response was "GRRRAGGGH"
[10/20/2015 6:06:08 PM] CC's Delivery Service (Alyssa): then we got to the end of the maze and I freaked out because it was Saw-themed. I was half-expecting someone to jump out in Jigsaw costume and chase us out 8D;;
[10/20/2015 6:06:49 PM] CC's Delivery Service (Alyssa): oh, and for the rest of the people who did jumpscares, I just smiled and said "hi! how are you?"
the stranger who went in with me thought it was kinda funny. XD I think I helped her, too!